When I doubt
they believe, and when I believe they doubt. Who can ask more of
friendship.
My current collaborative work can be seen at
Silicon Yogi where we are currently considering what
an emergent group thesis looks like:
[One could describe]
a community as a "web of small, seemingly unimportant things-- perhaps
little courtesies, or favors, looking out for others, a smile or a wave to people on the street, and
all the other things people used to do. A nurturing, healthy community is a circle, even a basket,
held together by mutual trust, respect, and interdependence. Corporations and similar
organizations are pyramids, or triangles, and have clearly defined, even sharp, edges and
hierarchies with rigid power relationships." (Mike Patterson, a trainer of community organizers
for the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development)
The Polish anthropologist Bronislaw Malinowskii first pointed out how what he termed "phatic
speech"--inquiries about the weather or greetings in the street-- creates the general atmosphere
that holds society together. The Micmac Indians of eastern Canada and New England agree.
They say that an individual's most important work of the day is to walk through the community
and exchange gossip. Here the content of the gossip is obviously less important than the being
of the person exchanging it. That is where each person's real influence lies.
Subtle influence is what each of us exerts, for good or for ill, by the way we are. When we're
negative or dishonest, this exerts a subtle influence on others, quite aside from any direct impact
our behavior might have. Our attitude and being forms the climate others live in, the atmosphere
they breathe. We help supply the nutrients for the soil where others grow. If we're genuinely
happy, positive, thoughtful, helpful, and honest, this subtly influences those around us.
Everybody knows this when it comes to kids. Kids respond to who you are far more than to
what you say. But we're all very deeply and subtly affected by the being of others. Just to take
one simple example. Scientists who studied older married couples learned that for each partner,
the spouse's mood was more important than even the individual' own state of health. A husband
could be in poor health, but if his wife was happy, scientists found it was likely that he would
feel happy.
excerpted from Seven Life Lessons from Chaos, The Power
of Subtle Influence ,
HarperCollins Publishers, Inc., 1999.
1. Andreas
